I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? I'm in a similar situation, but not really sure how to approach it. ZjI3MmZiZDYyYmM3NDg0ODMxNWYwZTgyM2QzNzhhYWRmMTc1OTg0OGY4ODky ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk He comes from a pretty decent family. She often feels lonely and doesnt have productive things to engage in, so she focuses on people in her family who can give her a sense of importance. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. And it's not just buying a house. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. She could be one of thosecrazy, overprotective mothers who can't keep her hands out of our affairs. Where we liveclose to mom. It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. Ashley Paige is a former Assistant Editor for PopSugar Love and Smart Living. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. Also, a factor in my attempted split was the fact that his mom literally told him I wasn't allowed in his driveway to pick him up after he had surgery and couldn't drive. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. and our My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. This is not an all-inclusive list. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? Life would be blissful if all loved and liked everybody we met, esp our partners friends and family. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. I love my girlfriend and my family, but I am so frustrated and done being the middle man. Reprinted with permission from the author. What do I do? You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! Unfortunately an ultimatum is the only option in a position like this imo. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. Imagine a third person meddling with their business. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. She's being selfish. Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. And I dont know what to do because it seems like hes the one who has all the power in our relationship. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. My boyfriend chooses his family over me? Compromise somewhere!!!! i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. Overall, I try to be understanding. But I did it anyway. In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. Deep inside, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective. Danielle. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. YjMyNjdmYjM0ZjM1M2FjZGY3ZTBhZDM0ODU2YzExMDQzYmNmOTMzMmIyMzE2 MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. Sometimes it even feels like you did a poor job raising her. He is my father, and I love him no matter what. But don't blame the pooch. And then she left him so she could screw around. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. I think if your case the only thing you can do is rotate every other year. what should i do? I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. His family should be making room for you in their lives. Need to talk to her about having to make compromises, rotate holidays every other year. Sit down with him and let him it cant continue. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz Such a person will grow very little and have more issues to deal with later down the road when his mother finally stops spoiling/controlling him. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 it wont stop here. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. What billybill is saying. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. N2ZjNWZjNjI3NWE1ZDE5MjE1MGJiMGI2MGMyYTE2MWE1NGUyMGFiZjllMjUw OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx he literally told you his dad already picked out names for YOUR children. Is that weird? But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. Step back and learn more. You need to set boundries. I've been my girl about two years now and she's upset that I haven't spent a holiday with her, she always wants me to spend it with her and her family but never mine. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time weve been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. Can you imagine meeting someone for a few supervised lunches and then agreeing to bind yourself to that person for life? I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). I'm in a similar situation. We'll be on the phone or a Zoom date and she always needs him for something . He needs to grow tf up and be a man, I suggest not staying with a grown man who has the mentality of a 3yr old child. I dont understand how he could choose his daughter over me. I believe it is OK, because he needs some time to catch up with his family. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. A "good" mother will give up 'first place' to the new bride (as it should be). You make everything more clear and easier to understand. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. 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